Are You Being Defensive?

We have all been there. We try with every ounce of strength in us to justify our shortcomings. It is never our fault and often times, we say things like, “She made me say to say those words”, “ I was just in a bad mood”, etc. I’m sure you can think of countless occasions where a heartfelt apology would have restored calm, instead of wasting time to prove a point.

But here’s the crux of the matter, why do we get defensive when we are in the wrong? Why do we easily seek a hiding a place when we are criticized or made aware of our mistakes? I would love to see your answers in the comments below.

However, I believe that the reason we get defensive is that our pride is often times hurt and we would rather defend that ego or pride rather than admitting our offense and seeking growth. The Collins Dictionary puts it better in the following, “ If someone is on the defensive, they are trying to protect themselves or their interests because they feel unsure or threatened”.

In justifying our actions when we are clearly in the wrong, we are acknowledging our inability to handle constructive criticisms or take corrections that can be helpful in the long run. Being defensive not only hurts us, it hurts the person we have offended and ultimately hurts God.

So in what ways can we grow from negative defensive habits to effectively handling conflict situations where our ego is bruised? Acknowledge your mistake or wrong and own it- It is so easy to blame someone or a situation when we know very well we are at fault. Also, it is helpful to have a perspective that says,” Is there anything I can do about this criticism? What do i stand to lose when i make the necessary change?”

Our sinful hearts may fail us often times but God’s grace enables us to be part of the process of restoration- of all kinds of relationships. In acknowledging that we are prone to falter, there is also a desire put in us by God to want to make right when we have the opportunity to do so.

The next time there’s a temptation to be on the defensive when I’m in the wrong, it is my prayer God grants me the humility to genuinely admit my wrong and seek to restore my relationships rather than try to win the argument using meaningless justifications. I pray same for you too.

Philippians 2

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

6 Who, being in very nature[a] God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature[b] of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!

9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.